WiGgLr
Sunday, 5th March 2006, 15:17
This is a bunch of quotes from the office when I worked at B&Q. It makes me laugh a lot, enjoy:
Sean introducing Kristy to Steve,
Sean: Steve, this is Kristy. Kristy is a really helpful person to know cos she’s done everything and been with everyone.
At lunch, Kat describes a Germany trip.
Kat: ….I knee’d a woman up the arse.
Barb comes round to see Steve and Sean
Barb: You’re not going to like me anymore.
Steve: Sorry Barb, we’ve never liked you.
Chris talking to Kristy
Chris: So did you have those pants on yesterday?
Kristy talking to Tony
Kristy: I think spitting anything out is a waste.
Cat just talking at lunch
Cat: When I die I’m not going to have any meat in my colon.
Neil talking
Neil: I’m just glad I’ve got a big dick
Tony: So am I
Sean talking
Sean: I’ve been married for 10 years
Neil: I find it hard to imagine 5
Kat shouting at other drivers…
Kat: ALL COCKS OUT TODAY!
Steve: I’d rather not.
Kristy while searching the internet
Kristy (At the top of her voice)
:You can buy bull semen by the pound
On a previous day, Sean was kind enough to hold the bus for Steve. As Steve and Sean leave the floor, Steve walks into the toilets and Sean continues down the stairs and at the top of his voice, in front of some confused cleaners shouts…
Sean: I’m not holding it for you again!
Sean: Nick’s doing well, he’s really cracking on through the Quick Test Pro
Tony: It must be simple then
Tiff talking to Steve, Neil and Tony
Tiff: I think I want Neil but I’m not fussed which one of you I have.
Sean talking to Neil
Sean: I’ve told Catherine you have committed to a Monday delivery
Neil: Did you tell her which Monday?
Sean talking about “Someone”
Sean: She’s probably obese but not overweight
Sean talking
Sean: We could play a game, who can get it in Tony’s mouth first.
Steve: Look at those funny looking people outside.
Sean: They must be over from Amsterdam, they do look Swedish.
Sean: Most of the double beds in the hotel feel like 2 singles pushed together
Steve: It’s quite common across Europe
Nick: Apart from Mexico where it isn’t.
Nick: Do you have black pudding?
Waiter: No, but we do have scones
Sean: Can you imagine going to get a JCB and coming back with a plant?
Steve\Nick: <Mutual puzzlement>
Sean while walking around Dublin
Sean(Seriously): It’s just like walking around a European city.
While Tracey is on holiday in Antigua
Sean: It’s a shame he can’t contact Tracey as she’s in angina at the moment.
Sean: Did you know that the pill is only 99% effective?
Steve: Yeah, I think it’s because they would be sued by so many people if they said it was 100%.
Sean: No, it’s because it’s a known fact that they include dummy pills in the pack.
While talking about how the lecturer is a skin flint, Sean and Steve walk along a
corridor. They get to the entrance of a coffee room where a fit young lady is standing.
Sean (looking towards Steve\lady in Coffee Room) shouts: Tight Arse
Sean introducing Kristy to Steve,
Sean: Steve, this is Kristy. Kristy is a really helpful person to know cos she’s done everything and been with everyone.
At lunch, Kat describes a Germany trip.
Kat: ….I knee’d a woman up the arse.
Barb comes round to see Steve and Sean
Barb: You’re not going to like me anymore.
Steve: Sorry Barb, we’ve never liked you.
Chris talking to Kristy
Chris: So did you have those pants on yesterday?
Kristy talking to Tony
Kristy: I think spitting anything out is a waste.
Cat just talking at lunch
Cat: When I die I’m not going to have any meat in my colon.
Neil talking
Neil: I’m just glad I’ve got a big dick
Tony: So am I
Sean talking
Sean: I’ve been married for 10 years
Neil: I find it hard to imagine 5
Kat shouting at other drivers…
Kat: ALL COCKS OUT TODAY!
Steve: I’d rather not.
Kristy while searching the internet
Kristy (At the top of her voice)
:You can buy bull semen by the pound
On a previous day, Sean was kind enough to hold the bus for Steve. As Steve and Sean leave the floor, Steve walks into the toilets and Sean continues down the stairs and at the top of his voice, in front of some confused cleaners shouts…
Sean: I’m not holding it for you again!
Sean: Nick’s doing well, he’s really cracking on through the Quick Test Pro
Tony: It must be simple then
Tiff talking to Steve, Neil and Tony
Tiff: I think I want Neil but I’m not fussed which one of you I have.
Sean talking to Neil
Sean: I’ve told Catherine you have committed to a Monday delivery
Neil: Did you tell her which Monday?
Sean talking about “Someone”
Sean: She’s probably obese but not overweight
Sean talking
Sean: We could play a game, who can get it in Tony’s mouth first.
Steve: Look at those funny looking people outside.
Sean: They must be over from Amsterdam, they do look Swedish.
Sean: Most of the double beds in the hotel feel like 2 singles pushed together
Steve: It’s quite common across Europe
Nick: Apart from Mexico where it isn’t.
Nick: Do you have black pudding?
Waiter: No, but we do have scones
Sean: Can you imagine going to get a JCB and coming back with a plant?
Steve\Nick: <Mutual puzzlement>
Sean while walking around Dublin
Sean(Seriously): It’s just like walking around a European city.
While Tracey is on holiday in Antigua
Sean: It’s a shame he can’t contact Tracey as she’s in angina at the moment.
Sean: Did you know that the pill is only 99% effective?
Steve: Yeah, I think it’s because they would be sued by so many people if they said it was 100%.
Sean: No, it’s because it’s a known fact that they include dummy pills in the pack.
While talking about how the lecturer is a skin flint, Sean and Steve walk along a
corridor. They get to the entrance of a coffee room where a fit young lady is standing.
Sean (looking towards Steve\lady in Coffee Room) shouts: Tight Arse